Friday, November 20, 2009

The Best Decision I have Made...recently

It is a rough road when you realize that your parents lied when they said “You can be anything you want to be”. The dreams of you becoming a world famous doctor who cures AIDS in Africa get dashed when you realize there is NO WAY IN HELL you can afford the school tuition, and no one will give you money to go to school because you have a job. Nurse? Good dream, except that there are not any good night nursing programs around, so you would have to quit your job to work retail. Huh.

I know, I know. You’re thinking “wtf? Duh Housewife, it’s freaking REALITY.” Yeah, well I had dreamed of going to Africa to help out all the starving people. I wanted to be a nurse living in a hut in the middle of a lion pack saving people. I wanted to make a damn difference.

I guess I assumed that whatever person I ended up with would either go with me or merrily watch the children while I whisked off to an exotic destination to pick my way around elephant shit and dirty water. Sounds fun.

When I met hubs, the dream went away. Not that he would not let me go, he would. But, something primal kicked in. Now, I want to have kids and stay here. Be a mom. That phrase would have made me shudder three years ago. Get Married. I still don’t like that term, except the tax deal is ok I guess.

So, doctor aside, nurse is still an option except, frankly, from what I have heard it’s not worth it anymore. So what do I do that will make a difference? Paramedic. TCC has a night program. It is cheaper, I get to go into trauma situations (kind of like elephant shit and dirty water), and I might get to help a kid (heaven forbid I ever meet the person who hurt them).

Once I made the decision everything seemed to fall into place. No funny quirky ending today peeps, just, I dunno, maybe an admission that sometimes when a compromise is made everything works out for the best…or something like that.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

It's not the size of the keyboard but how many tears you shed on it

I’m a little pragmatic you see…no one would call me happy-go-lucky. I have lost to many people close to me to be dripping with gooey happiness all the time. I cry at sappy movies with animals in them, but with romantic comedies I always imagine that after the story ends the couple breaks up after the man comes home smashed and smacks her around. Maybe that was just my past life and I am just projecting. Life is safer this way, not hoping for the best out of people. Friends think I need therapy or God, I think I need to stay the course.

So, it was my utter shock to find myself shorting out my keyboard with tears and watering down my coffee with that dreaded substance I rarely see…saline coming out of my eyes. Over a girl I don’t even know. Well, I know what she writes. I know she puts her heart and soul into her kids. I know that many, many people need her and love her. I did not know I was one of those. I have never seen her in real life, only pictures. I visit her site, I leave comments on some posts, but overall I am a passerby, a stranger in the night if you will.

But when I found out hse had a stroke, I shut down. It was like when I found out my mom had cancer. Or being ripped away from the only family you have here because an asshole smacked me around. I went to my castle, got out my snuggie and feared the worst.

The bloggers I follow, Redneck Mommy and Her Bad Mother have done what I was pretty sure no one could do- they restored my faith in humanity. Those two crazy women who I laugh at, have shared tears with over the vastness that is the Internet, and most of all who I admire (Tanis would tell me I am crazy at this point) have shown me what it means to have close friends. I don’t know how far away those three women live from each other, but I know that with how much I have seen them supporting and praying for Anissa…well hell I believe nothing bad will ever happen again.

I don’t have the guts to tell them this on their sites of course, cause well, I’m a chickenshit. But it was more, I thought they deserved a post somewhere not buried in a comments section. Something that wanders could come upon. Some stranger in the night even.

Those three women, who I have never met, changed my life. I love them for it even if they will never know it.

I need more coffee b/c I cannot get hyperlinks to meet Red Neck Mommy go here: To meet Her Bad Mother go here

To see where Anissa lives on the Internet, go here Anissa I don't pray, but I will send you all the healing energy I can manage