I am going on a new pill next week. Getting off some others. It's kind of like going on a plane- you know that they hardly ever crash, but somewhere in your lizard brain you worry that the "hardly ever" will become "today" and you will go down in a hot mess of a crash.
In the meantime I have to wean off the old pill. And I am not sure what caused the moment of clarity for me, but I am going to say that it was due to me really, really paying attention to my body and thoughts this week.
I want an apology. From my parents. Thats all- three words "I am sorry".
Most of you will smile to yourselves and think "oh, she is so young, she has so much to learn about the world" Yeah? Try raising your sister, placating your father by holding flashlights while working on stupid cars in a freezing garage, and prying the bottle out of mommy's hand at night, then tell me I need to grow up. My sister is graduating medical school this year, so I guess I did alright there.
What I have NEVER gotten was an apology. Not for my mom busting my nose, not for...so much. So very, very much.
So while I am still to chicken shit to demand it from them...thats what I want. That's the only thing I want from them. Instead I will get a care package for my birthday and Christmas...and while I pretend that those presents carry a hint of apology...well I can only pretend for so long.
It is hard, not feeling close to your parents. It's even harder to explain to people that I would rather be just about anywhere else then in a room with both of them.
Maybe I should change this website to "How I hate my parents" with how much I am writing about them lately. Stick with me reader, if anyone is reading. I promise that soon, oh so soon, I will be on a new pill and I am sure the hilarity will ensue
Showing posts with label bitching. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bitching. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Monday, July 13, 2009
My brain has been on overdrive lately. I am gearing up for the fall semester (including an all day chem. Class), I have a family situation where my closest relative is no longer speaking to me, and I recently opened my house to my best friend of 10 years because she got laid off. It has been a trying time for hubs and I.
I have had many a sleepless night, trying to figure out how to juggle everything, and frankly, I can’t. Either hubs or myself has to get a second job, preferably both of us. Well, we don’t have to, but if we want to stop scraping by, then yeah, we gotta. The relative, we will call them Skippy, well there is nothing I can do about it. I put my position on the situation out there, and there was a major disagreement. BAM sibling outta my life. Live and learn.
Now for the best friend.Salty has been my friend for 10 years, and when I was younger it was an even give and take. We both went out, painted the town red, smoked a lot of pot, so on. Well, I moved many states away and grew up. A lot. Had a lot of bad chit happen and my shit got smacked into place. Salty, prettier, more buxom, and more social than I, got an ever wider circle of friends, ex-boyfriends, blah blah. Then, she lost her job. Then, her wonderful father defaulted on the house. So Salty found herself without a job, in a bad market, and without a home. So, being the kind, bleeding heart person I really am on the inside (to my constant chagrin), I opened up our guest room to her. She found a job within three days (Bitch, I have been looking for almost a year and NOTHING). The job pays crap, but she is sticking to it cause “it makes her happy.” WTF?! This is not magic never-never land with pixie dust and magic elves that sweep away credit card debt.
It was stupid of me to let her move in. She is stressing me out. I am not supporting her financially, except not asking for rent (she cleans the house, nice perk), but she is just so…inefficient. With anything- be it getting ready in the morning, to cleaning, to looking things up using google. I mean, I know everyone has their ways and patterns. Everyone is different. But three hours to get ready and your not applying makeup? Being late all the time b/c you forget? I cannot fathom it.
See Internet? All this has me so out of it that I lost the point of this entry. Oh, right, overdrive. I feel like that damn cat hanging on the rope…and if one more person tells me to “keep hanging in there” I might have to add murder charges to my list of things to stress about.
I have had many a sleepless night, trying to figure out how to juggle everything, and frankly, I can’t. Either hubs or myself has to get a second job, preferably both of us. Well, we don’t have to, but if we want to stop scraping by, then yeah, we gotta. The relative, we will call them Skippy, well there is nothing I can do about it. I put my position on the situation out there, and there was a major disagreement. BAM sibling outta my life. Live and learn.
Now for the best friend.Salty has been my friend for 10 years, and when I was younger it was an even give and take. We both went out, painted the town red, smoked a lot of pot, so on. Well, I moved many states away and grew up. A lot. Had a lot of bad chit happen and my shit got smacked into place. Salty, prettier, more buxom, and more social than I, got an ever wider circle of friends, ex-boyfriends, blah blah. Then, she lost her job. Then, her wonderful father defaulted on the house. So Salty found herself without a job, in a bad market, and without a home. So, being the kind, bleeding heart person I really am on the inside (to my constant chagrin), I opened up our guest room to her. She found a job within three days (Bitch, I have been looking for almost a year and NOTHING). The job pays crap, but she is sticking to it cause “it makes her happy.” WTF?! This is not magic never-never land with pixie dust and magic elves that sweep away credit card debt.
It was stupid of me to let her move in. She is stressing me out. I am not supporting her financially, except not asking for rent (she cleans the house, nice perk), but she is just so…inefficient. With anything- be it getting ready in the morning, to cleaning, to looking things up using google. I mean, I know everyone has their ways and patterns. Everyone is different. But three hours to get ready and your not applying makeup? Being late all the time b/c you forget? I cannot fathom it.
See Internet? All this has me so out of it that I lost the point of this entry. Oh, right, overdrive. I feel like that damn cat hanging on the rope…and if one more person tells me to “keep hanging in there” I might have to add murder charges to my list of things to stress about.
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