Wednesday, January 27, 2010

My moment

I am going on a new pill next week. Getting off some others. It's kind of like going on a plane- you know that they hardly ever crash, but somewhere in your lizard brain you worry that the "hardly ever" will become "today" and you will go down in a hot mess of a crash.

In the meantime I have to wean off the old pill. And I am not sure what caused the moment of clarity for me, but I am going to say that it was due to me really, really paying attention to my body and thoughts this week.

I want an apology. From my parents. Thats all- three words "I am sorry".

Most of you will smile to yourselves and think "oh, she is so young, she has so much to learn about the world" Yeah? Try raising your sister, placating your father by holding flashlights while working on stupid cars in a freezing garage, and prying the bottle out of mommy's hand at night, then tell me I need to grow up. My sister is graduating medical school this year, so I guess I did alright there.

What I have NEVER gotten was an apology. Not for my mom busting my nose, not much. So very, very much.

So while I am still to chicken shit to demand it from them...thats what I want. That's the only thing I want from them. Instead I will get a care package for my birthday and Christmas...and while I pretend that those presents carry a hint of apology...well I can only pretend for so long.

It is hard, not feeling close to your parents. It's even harder to explain to people that I would rather be just about anywhere else then in a room with both of them.

Maybe I should change this website to "How I hate my parents" with how much I am writing about them lately. Stick with me reader, if anyone is reading. I promise that soon, oh so soon, I will be on a new pill and I am sure the hilarity will ensue

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